Saturday, November 1, 2008

Journaling, Part 2

Long overdue follow-up to Journaling Part 1 from March.

Recently I had been going through my file cabinets and boxes and sorting through some needed paperwork, organizing as I set aside the papers I needed for some legal stuff. I sifted through and re-organized the file cabinet near the desktop & laser printer, the file drawer of the computer desk, then moved into the laundry room. Sorted and re-filed papers from the boxes of receipts, invoices, statements, and set things aside for the shredder. Re-organized the big 4 drawer file cabinet, starting from the top and worked my way down, pulling out the papers I was searching for, filing away the ones I wanted to keep but had no immediate need for.

After a couple weeks of this, I finally worked my way down to the bottom drawer. This drawer contains folders of the kids' school work: newsletters, awards, artwork and miscellaneous 'proud mommy' stuff. I had a new batch of papers to file away in there. This is a drawer I actually go through once or twice a year. Imagine my surprise as I reached Sarah's file folder to put some of her papers away and there, with a piece of artwork curled around it, I saw.... a book.

A book. Not just any book. A book with a light blue background. A book with some butterflies scattered across that light blue background.

As I pulled the book out, my face got warm and my eyes filled quickly with tears. My eyes are filling right now as I type this. This book, this 'not just any book', was my missing journal. The journal that contains the first year of William's life. The journal I have looked for, for five years. And here it was, in my hands again. I shook and cried big tears. Yes, I am that emotional.

I texted Robert immediately. I posted to my twitter page, and my facebook. I had been in that file so many times over 5 years. I swear, it was not in there before. The last time I recall seeing it was when we moved out of the house we were renting into our new home. It had been in my computer space, and I recall tossing it into one of the last boxes in the living room; a box full of items from the bathroom, and clothes from Robert's dresser. This huge box in a near empty house.

I didn't know how guilty Robert had been feeling in these past 5 years. He thought he accidentally threw it away when we moved. He admitted there were some boxes that looked like they only contained junk that he had the boys toss into the dumpster. I thought it was perhaps still in one of the boxes in the basement that I have not yet gotten to.

That night we opened a bottle of champagne we'd been saving. We put the kids to bed, then sat in bed, sipping champagne as we opened the journal and I began reading it aloud. We re-lived the moments 4 days before William's birth, and read well into the night, through tears and laughter, at the struggles and triumphs of the first year of William's life.

I should title that journal "A Year in the Life".